Myths dispelled

I thought I'd help dispell a few myths that you may have come across:

My baby was smiling at 5 weeks.
Who cares??  My baby didn't smile (a proper, 'I know he actually smiled at me' whilst gurning at him) until 9 weeks.  So please don't worry if your baby hasn't done this yet.  I thought I might have to rename ours Kevin - I was already starting the letters to my dead-betrothed at 8 weeks.  Thank god I waited to go back to the registrars!

My baby has such a strong neck - sits upright at 10 weeks.
How lovely, bully for you. Mine doesn't (and she's 14 weeks old).  You don't see many 30 year olds walking to work with floppy necks, staring at the floor, unable to look up.  Don't worry - they'll get their eventually!

My baby was walking at 9 months.
Really? How wonderful. You must have really enjoyed having to follow them around EVERYWHERE for the next year! Mine didn't walk until 19 months (the other end of the 'expected' spectrum) - in all fairness he was pretty darn huge so I'm not sure his legs could have coped with the intense pressure of the weight!! But he managed it though - they'll get there eventually. Don't worry!

My baby was dry at 2 years.
Bullshit.  I got into a right panic when everyone else seemed to have perfectly pee-ing children.  It wasn't until I was halfway through the joys of potty training and mentioned that I still had to take mine to the loo every 30 minutes that I found out others were too!  So actually they were just lucky to have caught the wee (or poo) before it landed in their pants - they might have been 'dry' but they certainly weren't potty trained!

My child is Banksy.
Ever received one of those really shit Christmas cards that your friend's toddler has drawn at nursery?  You know the ones - a blue line crossed by a red line and that's it?  Well, anything more than that and believe me, the parents have got involved!  A friend of a friend (who shall remain nameless) did exactly that - doctored their daughter's Christmas cards before they went to print ... and didn't admit it when asked.  I know this how?  The husband broke once questioned (after just one pint!).